King Lear Remix

This is an excerpt taken from the book "The Golden Globe" by sci-fi author John Varley. You have to know a bit of Shakespeare to understand it, but if you do, man, its wild...=P Read on.

***

KING LEAR
Act 1 Scene 1

King Lear's Palace

Enter Lear, Goneril, Regan, Cordelia, Gloucester, Kent

LEAR: Hey, you! Go get Burgandy and the Frog! I'm an old fart, and I'm pooped. I'm outta here.
GONERIL: Gimme the kingdom, 'cause I love you and kiss your royal a*s.
REGAN: Me, too, Daddy, but twice as much!
LEAR: (turns to Cordelia) What about you, sweets?
CORDELIA: You're cool, Pops.
LEAR: Well, f**k you! You don't get nothing. You two b**ches split it up.
KENT: You're f**kin' up, big man.
LEAR: F**k you, too! Screw!

(Exit Kent; Enter Duke of Burgundy and King of France)

BURGUNDY: No cash? F**k me! I don't want her, then!
FRANCE: I'll take her.
CORDELIA: Cool!
LEAR: Take the b**ch, then. I'm outta here.

(Exit Lear and court)

FRANCE: Let's screw.
CORDELIA: Cool!

(Exit France and Cordelia)

GONERIL: He's one nutty old f**k!
REGAN: Let's f**k him over.
GONERIL: Okay.

(Exit Goneril and Regan)

EDMUND: (aside) I'm one double-crossing bas**rd! (Exit)

***

This is actually the first part of a hypothetical script of King Lear acted out entirely in five minutes. That's the reason for its brevity, and consequently, foul language. I don't condone using swear words, mind you (the original is uncensored, though the rest of the book isn't that bad), but the point is, sometimes (like in this situation) nothing gets the point across better than a few well-placed curses. Not to mention the uncouth humour value.

LOL