Hmm

Up to no good once again making people angry here and there laughing as if i'm the best in the world then hide away and cry at my stupid self make a fool of myself in front of everyone then cry some more thinking i can be better than those who are smarter than me being an idiot seems so fun but wanting to be clever is the other ingredient for disaster which only ends with my demise being deceased is what i dream of being away is what i want staying out of people's minds lives thoughts hopes dreams hatred love cares target hunger pain lost in my feelings because i'm letting my demon take over the reins releasing all control letting lose all havoc empty is my memories of my halcyon time because there's never space for anything else but spite and pain i'm wondering why i had to born in the family i'm in why i had to such a mother-fucking asshole who's too full of himself why i had to be such a smarty-pants why i had a God why i had to have friends why i had to alive why i had to survive why i have to live why i wasn't an accident that can be pushed aside narrow-minded short-sighted angry at why girls had to feel that they were being specifically addressed when the discusion was in the general why i had to think i'm so smart whydo i have to study why do i have to be human why i have to be clean why i have to be perfect why i had to be normal why i have to feel like a leader why i have to seek pleasure why i have to experience the shit we call life why does so much shit and lies and thoughts become truths that make us "complete" why is there pain why are there parents and friends and family and a God why is there a Satan why is there loneliness why is there a reason to feel happy sad angry lost content satisfied hungry cold warm home rich poor corrupt apathetic empathetic sympathetic loved unaccepted different special hated wanted care emptiness controlled pressured hurt insulted emancipated caged why do i have to be around on this world wondering wandering seeking death and hoping it won't be suicide hoping i won't have to do it myself i'm challenging my God to take my life personally in His mighty hands and crush me and throw me into the bowels of the lowest Hell and let me suffer die abandoned because i NOW i wanna prove that He's wrong in His decision of creating me in His will and strength in His love Him wrong Him untrue Him unfaithful Him mistaken take me now and let me die so that people will see You are wrong though respectable if i prove You wrong You prove Yourself true and a liar for you've broken Your promise where are You now where art Thou???